Thank You Don Knotts

When Don Knotts died this past week, we lost an icon. I think a "National Barney Fife Day" is in order.


The Andy Griffith Show is my favorite television series and Barney Fife my favorite character. Some of Barney's best quotes are:

"Fly a quail through here and every one of 'em would point." (Talking about the women at Mrs. Wiley's party)

"There ain't no gold. And don't be hanging around when that truck comes through."

"If only somebody would just commit a crime, one good crime! If only somebody would just kill somebody! Oh, I don’t mean anybody we know, but…well, if a couple of strangers was to come into town, and, well if one of ‘em was gonna kill the other one anyways, they might just as well do it here."

"Like they always say...the quality of mercy is not strained, it droppeth like a gentle dew from Heaven...well, you're not talking to a jerk you know!"

"Well, I guess to sum it up, you could say, there's three reasons why there's so little crime in Mayberry. There's Andy, and there's me, and [patting gun] baby makes three."

"Gomer, get down there with them spiders!"

"Oh, you're just full of fun today, aren't you? Why don't we go up to the old people's home and wax the steps?"

"Man gets his best suit spotted and pressed, spends two hours polishing his hat, and for what? Heartaches!"

"This is what we call the deadly game, and I'm in it for keeps".

"Can I put my bullet in, Anj? Can I? Can I?"

"Jaywalking is rampant in the streets of Mayberry."

"You know what they call me? Fast-gun Fife"

"Boy, giraffes are selfish! Always running around, getting hit by lightning, looking out for number one."

"She's still ugly, single, and pitting prunes."

"From your head down to your feet, there is nothing quite as sweet; as Juanita, Juanita, lovely, dear Juanita."

"It's a good thing she's not campaigning for folks to have their eyes checked, one kiss on your jaw and we'd all be wearing glasses... if she ever kissed you on the lips we'd all have to have our appendix taken out."

"Well, today's eight-year-olds are tomorrow's teenagers. I say this calls for action and now! Nip it in the bud! First sign of youngsters going wrong, you've got to nip it in the bud. Nip it! You go read any book you can on the subject of child discipline and you'll find every one of them is in favor of bud-nipping."

"I'm a man of the world, Andy. Why, I've even been to Raleigh!"

"Andy I got great news! My throat ain't sore after all! And you know that lump you seen? That's the uvula! Doc says everybody's got one! Open your mouth, Andy. Yep, there's the good ol' uvula! I got a uvula, you got a uvula, all God's children got a uvula!

"You know Andy, I never thought our town would come to
this...Mayberry...gateway to danger."

"Do you know what your sheriff has in the trunk of his squad car for emergencies? A shovel and a rake!"

"What's the matter? Ain't you never seen a man take off a dress before?"

"No more doing what you want whenever you want. No more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"You know something I found out? If you ride in the wind with your mouth open and you put your tongue up on the roof of your mouth, it's impossible to pronounce a word that starts with the letter 'S'."